| Relationships |
"No man is an island..."written centuries ago, the famous words of John Donne
(1572-1631) are as true today as they were when he wrote them. One of
humankind’s greatest fears is of being abandoned and alone, and we long for
connection. When facing difficult times, and even when we are not, we need other
people to understand and support us. It is through our relationships with others
that we gain a better understanding of ourselves. Relationships contribute greatly
to our identity, our sense of purpose, and to our personal fulfillment and joy. We
need others to laugh with us, share our secrets, and bear us up in times of sorrow.
None of us can handle alone everything that life throws us. When problems loom
and the world looks dark, nothing is more welcome or valuable than the support of
those who care about us. Walking through life closely connected to others is truly a
gift that makes our journey easier.
Relationships are certainly not limited to humans. We see them everywhere in the
animal kingdom, and as anyone who has ever loved a pet can attest, the
human/animal bond is quite strong. Sometimes these relationships are quite
extraordinary, as this video from the 1970's clearly illustrates.
(1572-1631) are as true today as they were when he wrote them. One of
humankind’s greatest fears is of being abandoned and alone, and we long for
connection. When facing difficult times, and even when we are not, we need other
people to understand and support us. It is through our relationships with others
that we gain a better understanding of ourselves. Relationships contribute greatly
to our identity, our sense of purpose, and to our personal fulfillment and joy. We
need others to laugh with us, share our secrets, and bear us up in times of sorrow.
None of us can handle alone everything that life throws us. When problems loom
and the world looks dark, nothing is more welcome or valuable than the support of
those who care about us. Walking through life closely connected to others is truly a
gift that makes our journey easier.
Relationships are certainly not limited to humans. We see them everywhere in the
animal kingdom, and as anyone who has ever loved a pet can attest, the
human/animal bond is quite strong. Sometimes these relationships are quite
extraordinary, as this video from the 1970's clearly illustrates.
At times our own light goes out and
is rekindled by a spark from another
person. Each of us has cause to
think with deep gratitude of those
who have lighted the flame within
us. ~ Albert Schweitzer
is rekindled by a spark from another
person. Each of us has cause to
think with deep gratitude of those
who have lighted the flame within
us. ~ Albert Schweitzer
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New Articles_______________________________
Intimacy or Friendship? How to Have Both
By
Linda Nuss
I HAVE FRIENDS, WHAT I WANT IS INTIMACY!
Just by observing, it has come to my attention a lot lately that most people in relationships forget the context of it when it comes
to their interactions with one another. Part of what really makes things special in an intimate relationship is to feel special. This
naturally happens in the beginning when the chemistry is electric and you just naturally present the best of yourself, buy it is
really common for this energetic exchange to start to morph (very discreetly) into something quite different. It seems to
transform into a “buddy type” or even a “sibling” relationship.
I’M TELLING! QUIT TEASING ME!
Here’s what I have noticed in couples who have been together for a while. (The timeline is relative to your own history in
relationships. It could be that it only takes one week to get very comfortable in a relationship for one person and it may take a
year for another. Generally the two people in the relationship would be a match for that timeframe or it would end pretty
quickly.) Anyway, the highly charged, electric love affair starts slowly starts to change. The couple may still be getting along
quite well, but the dynamics start to shift. There can be a bit of “teasing” the other about mistakes or shortcomings—all done in
good humor, mind you, but it is still “teasing” none the less. I’ve also noticed that this teasing almost always takes place in front
of other people and usually brings up some points of annoyance that haven’t been previously discussed.
AWKWARD!
Have you ever been in that situation or been a part of that kind of interaction? You can almost immediately feel the energy shift
and defenses rise. It’s a total drag to witness and can leave a bystander just completely silent; it’s even worse when you’re the
one being “teased.” The next thing that happens is a defense statement shot off to the “offender.” The “offender” then feels
completely validated in getting off the hook by saying “I was just kidding—you are so sensitive.” We’ve all been there.
DON’T LAUGH – THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Okay, as silly as it sounds and not the most comfortable of discussions, it must be brought up. If you want to stay physically
attracted to your partner and want to keep that “toasty” flame alive, gross behavior on his (or her) part (such as farting or
inappropriate belching etc.) is not going to enhance your partner's overall attractiveness. When you’re around someone a lot or
live with them, it’s going to happen on occasion, but the secret is to try not to let it happen on purpose! “Good Push” or the
“one cheek sneak” are not allowed. You can enjoy and laugh at your “whimsical sounds” with your “buddies” but “pimping” your
partner by letting one fly under the covers is NOT a good idea!
DO YOU WANT ORDINARY OR EXTRAORDINARY?
Now I know a lot of you are probably thinking “So it’s not okay to joke around and have fun? – I want my partner to be my best
friend…..” I get that but trust me when I say – if you need to do those things it best to tease and be gross with your friends and
your siblings and keep your intimate relationship special. We don’t do those things in other relationships (such as at work)
because they simply are not appropriate. So why is the one relationship that means the most given no regard or respect on this
subject? Honestly, I don’t think it gets thought about or discussed much and that’s why the partnership slowly “morphs” into an
ordinary relationship. It’s not like you have to walk on eggshells either, but just trying to be conscious about it will drastically help.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT – DIGEST All THIS OR TOSS IT OUT – YOU DECIDE
All I can say is that I have a partner who makes me feel like he adores me. He nurtures, comforts, encourages and treats me like
I’m special – always. We’ve been together for 12 years and I truly believe by being very aware of the things I’ve spoken about,
we’ve been able to maintain the intimacy and respect for each other we needed to keep that “toasty flame” burning! It’s
wonderful and I wish the same for you.
By
Linda Nuss
I HAVE FRIENDS, WHAT I WANT IS INTIMACY!
Just by observing, it has come to my attention a lot lately that most people in relationships forget the context of it when it comes
to their interactions with one another. Part of what really makes things special in an intimate relationship is to feel special. This
naturally happens in the beginning when the chemistry is electric and you just naturally present the best of yourself, buy it is
really common for this energetic exchange to start to morph (very discreetly) into something quite different. It seems to
transform into a “buddy type” or even a “sibling” relationship.
I’M TELLING! QUIT TEASING ME!
Here’s what I have noticed in couples who have been together for a while. (The timeline is relative to your own history in
relationships. It could be that it only takes one week to get very comfortable in a relationship for one person and it may take a
year for another. Generally the two people in the relationship would be a match for that timeframe or it would end pretty
quickly.) Anyway, the highly charged, electric love affair starts slowly starts to change. The couple may still be getting along
quite well, but the dynamics start to shift. There can be a bit of “teasing” the other about mistakes or shortcomings—all done in
good humor, mind you, but it is still “teasing” none the less. I’ve also noticed that this teasing almost always takes place in front
of other people and usually brings up some points of annoyance that haven’t been previously discussed.
AWKWARD!
Have you ever been in that situation or been a part of that kind of interaction? You can almost immediately feel the energy shift
and defenses rise. It’s a total drag to witness and can leave a bystander just completely silent; it’s even worse when you’re the
one being “teased.” The next thing that happens is a defense statement shot off to the “offender.” The “offender” then feels
completely validated in getting off the hook by saying “I was just kidding—you are so sensitive.” We’ve all been there.
DON’T LAUGH – THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Okay, as silly as it sounds and not the most comfortable of discussions, it must be brought up. If you want to stay physically
attracted to your partner and want to keep that “toasty” flame alive, gross behavior on his (or her) part (such as farting or
inappropriate belching etc.) is not going to enhance your partner's overall attractiveness. When you’re around someone a lot or
live with them, it’s going to happen on occasion, but the secret is to try not to let it happen on purpose! “Good Push” or the
“one cheek sneak” are not allowed. You can enjoy and laugh at your “whimsical sounds” with your “buddies” but “pimping” your
partner by letting one fly under the covers is NOT a good idea!
DO YOU WANT ORDINARY OR EXTRAORDINARY?
Now I know a lot of you are probably thinking “So it’s not okay to joke around and have fun? – I want my partner to be my best
friend…..” I get that but trust me when I say – if you need to do those things it best to tease and be gross with your friends and
your siblings and keep your intimate relationship special. We don’t do those things in other relationships (such as at work)
because they simply are not appropriate. So why is the one relationship that means the most given no regard or respect on this
subject? Honestly, I don’t think it gets thought about or discussed much and that’s why the partnership slowly “morphs” into an
ordinary relationship. It’s not like you have to walk on eggshells either, but just trying to be conscious about it will drastically help.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT – DIGEST All THIS OR TOSS IT OUT – YOU DECIDE
All I can say is that I have a partner who makes me feel like he adores me. He nurtures, comforts, encourages and treats me like
I’m special – always. We’ve been together for 12 years and I truly believe by being very aware of the things I’ve spoken about,
we’ve been able to maintain the intimacy and respect for each other we needed to keep that “toasty flame” burning! It’s
wonderful and I wish the same for you.
Your Guide to True Love in 2012
by
Carol Tuttle
(from the Carol Blog)
Whether we’re married or single… we all want love. The desire to give and receive genuine love is just designed into our
human nature. It’s part of our purpose on this planet. So how can you create and enjoy the kind of love you’re looking for this
year?
Put these tips into practice (don’t just read them once and forget them). You will be amazed at the opportunities to give and
receive love flowing into your life!
1. Love yourself first—and stop apologizing!
If you don’t receive love, you don’t have love to give. And one of the most important people you need to receive love from is
yourself. So next time you notice you’re about to put yourself down or apologize for yourself to others, just stop. Think of (and
share!) a compliment about the person you are with. If you’re by yourself, give yourself a genuine compliment. You will find
that the focus of your conversations and thoughts stays much more positive when you express love instead of doubt or worry.
2. Write a new script.
We condition people around us to play certain roles in our lives. If you want to invite more joy into a relationship, change the
current script. You can do this in a very real way. Create a script for your loved one (or the true love you have not yet met). If
you need some script ideas, click here. Write in detail what you believe your ideal companion would be like. Then live by that
script yourself!
3. Make decisions about what you say
We have an opportunity to think any thought and speak any word we choose. Whatever we focus on expands. Make the
choice to say only positive things about the people you love, even when they’re not around—especially when they’re not
around.
4. Pray for the opportunity to share unconditional love… and watch miracles show up.
Consider the word unconditional. It means unlimited, unrestricted, absolute, complete, with no conditions attached. These are
the characteristics of God. Experiencing unconditional love (both by giving and receiving) is miraculous. If you want to share
unconditional love, have the courage to ask for it in prayer. Miracles will show up in ways you least expect. In fact, you may act
as someone else’s miracle. When we are in an energy of unconditional love, we are in a powerful position to bless and grace
the lives of others.
May this year be filled with opportunities to give and receive genuine love.
